Women in the Friend Zone: Why You’re Always the Friend, Not the Lover
If you think it’s impossible for women to be in the friend zone, you may want to think again. Women get friendzoned by guys too, and for a variety of reasons.
In the words of local dating company Lunch Actually CEO herself, Violet Lim, “When I was younger and single, I had plenty of guy friends, but that was the heart of the problem. To them I was a friend only, not somebody worthy of being a romantic interest.”
Whatever the reason is, being friendzoned by the man you like is hard. You may even start to wonder if you are “Queen of the Friend Zone”, especially when you meet a string of men who just don’t seem romantically interested in you.
While there’s no hard and fast rules to making one specific man fall for you, there could be a few reasons why a woman is often overlooked as a romantic potential. Check out the 6 reasons below to see if you’re making any of these mistakes!
1) You Don’t Make the Effort to Groom Yourself
Humans are visual people, and men are even more so. Men tend to appreciate women who put in the effort to make themselves look better, especially on first impressions.
This does not mean you have to look like a supermodel in order to get their romantic attention. In fact, beautiful women may always get attention at first - but then personality and compatibility are what matters to sustain that attention.
From fashion to hair to makeup to exercise, there are many ways you can explore to make yourself look more attractive to the opposite gender. Even if they may not say it, men will definitely notice the effort you put in your appearance.
“The truth is,” Violet says, “you can always make yourself look better and more attractive if you put some effort into it.”
If you don’t know where to start, why not consider an Image Coaching class to get started, and see how you can improve your self-image? There’s always room for improvement!
2) You Always Challenge Others
You may be a strong and independent woman, and you should be proud of that. However, there is a fine line between being self-sufficient and being aggressive. Women may not know when they have crossed it.
The truth is, women who are too loud, pushy, and opinionated will find it hard to attract men. Men in general don’t want to constantly be challenged in a relationship, or have their opinions overridden – they like women who listen and are supportive.
This is not to say that you should change your personality into a mild and meek person, of course. However, there are ways to get your points across without seeming disrespectful.
When you converse with men, pay attention to your tone of voice, your choice of words, and if you interrupt them a lot to get your point in. Being too aggressive may land you permanently in the friend zone.
3) You Play Hard to Get
Men are not mind-readers, so if you’re interested in someone, let them know that you are interested. Long gone the days whereby men have to always be the one who make the first move. Ladies can do the same without appearing like they try too hard.
Otherwise, they may just think that you’re being “friendly” or “standoffish”. This will make them hesitant to make a move as you don’t seem interested in dating them yourself.
4) You Are Only Attracted to the Wrong Type of Men
Perhaps there are plenty of men who would love to date you, but you just don’t notice them. Maybe so far, you’re only interested in the wrong type of men, such as playboys or perpetual flirts.
Instead of only paying attention to the men who are clearly not interested in a long-term commitment or relationship, why not get to know the men you’ve brushed off because you thought they were “boring” or “not cute”?
If you have only dated a certain kind of men and the relationships did not always work out - maybe it's time for you to realize that this pattern is not healthy. Do not go into a relationship expecting that you can 'change' someone - rather, it's about accepting them despite their imperfections.
5) You Are Always “Hanging Out”
When it comes to going out with a man you like, make sure that you aren’t just “hanging out” as friends, especially if it’s just the two of you.
The more you “hang out”, the more likely it is that he sees you as just a friend – the “hanging out” won’t change his mind. In fact, it may even lead him to think that you’re fine with this “friendship” progressing the way it does as well.
Essentially, it is a catch-22 situation, where the more you go out together as friends, the more he will see you only as a friend.
If you have felt attracted to a man you’ve known for a few months, yet he has not made a move to ask you out on a romantic date, it may be good to find out his feelings about you.
It may hurt to learn that he only sees you as a friend, but on the bright side, you can move on to someone else if you know for sure that he’s not interested.
6) You Come Off as “Too Desperate”
Finally, one of the biggest reasons women are often left in the friend zone is because they’re too eager to get out of it.
Much as how women are not attracted to men they think are “too desperate”, the same is true for men as well.
Men like women who are quietly self-assured and confident, as they enjoy the chase. They like the thrill of winning a woman over, so a woman who acts as though she’ll be easily won over will seem less attractive.
To be happy in a relationship, you must first be happy even while alone. Develop new hobbies, take up classes, and add new experiences to your life without a partner.
Once men see that you lead a fulfilling life on your own, they will start to feel that they want to be part of that fulfilling life in a special way, too.
When you stop making the above mistakes, you will soon find that special someone who won’t friendzone you. Good luck, and happy dating!
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